a complex situation which seems to have no remedy….?
I definately need some advise here, and I definately need to vent. Hopefully someone out there has a shoulder for me to lean on here lol-(this is kind of long so if you are ready to read this and have a headache afterwards be my guest ;-p lol)....
i have been jobless for a while now, mainly because it has been hard to find a job and i have a record. i am not placing limitations on myself but it is basically a hard situation to deal with, on top of it i have been driving my car around with no car insurance and an expired tag. just recently i was driving my boyfriend's car (not that it makes a difference but i am gay so i do have a boyfriend, whenever you see 'my boyfreind' here after you'd understand that its not a mistake) and he had a headlight that was out. so a police officer stopped us, asked for my license and low and behold my license is suspended and i failed to let him know beforehand (mainly because i just didn't think to tell him- nervousness). so i was hauled out to jail, spent several hours in jail and my boyfriend bailed me out.
i had hope for a while there, (despite my night in jail), i had applied for this job and i was starting this week. so i get a call from my job and they told me not to come in because i have a record (i was caught stealing twice, have two retail theft charges this was last year and when i was 18) think i'd learn my lesson, obviously i didn't. i had to reap my own consequences. so you'd think i learn my lesson with the licensee thing, so i also go to college, and the only way i could go to school is by driving my uninsured car, so guess what happens to me? i was stopped on my way home from school and i got three more tickets (added on to the 6 i already have accumulated and can't pay for since i haven't worked in i don't know how long). so my car gets towed and i end up walking to my house, to come home to a boyfriend who is my complete opposite. he has his stuff taken care of, he has a job and is doing well in school so you can imagine our arguements he's the perfect one and i am the f8ck up and i am doing everythign wrong 9which i am) and he's doing everything right.
our fights are horrible, he just walked out on me in the middle of an argument (he's stressed out too the day i was caught driving without my license he was caught with possession of paraphenelia and i feel like its my fault because im the outlaw and he's the perfect one and he wouldn not have a ticket if it wasn't for me, so i tried taking the blaim for it but the police officer wouldnt let me) so anyways,
this situation is sooooooo bad and i have no clue what to do with myself, have to look for antoehr job without my car, having my boyfreind thinking i don't knwo what about me-
afterall i am not a bad person i have just made some awful, stupid adn ignorant choices in my life and i don't want to affect him. i love him with all my heart and i knwo i am stressing him out plus if anyone is into the zodiac i am a leo he is a gemini so you can imagine how our arguments are.
anyways just needed to release this tension held deep inside.cause right now i am awake, alone, my boyfriend is i don't know where... if i went into our relationship that is another novel lol so i wont go there.
just needed to vent for a sec. thanks for listening 
if anyone finished reading this than thank you and if you respond than thank you for responding as well.
paraphenelia, and i beleive i probably spelled it wrong, is a utencil used for drugs whether it be heroine, cocaine, weed, whatever. and yea you should learn something from all this, it what i tell my boyfriend too
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I am responding on the assumption you are NOT one of my sons, because if you are, you’ve already pointed out more than once that you’ve heard all this before.
. Now that I think about it, they have girlfriends, but even tho you aren’t one of them you’ve probablly heard it all too. But anyway…
A LOT — but not all — of this is avoidable. Stop looking at these legal issues as optional or impossible. Thay are neither.
Driving without a license is going to rack up fines to keep you in the poorhouse for ages, even with a job. Don’t do it! Most states allow for "conditional" driver’s licences. Ask your probation officer, or DMV, or District Clerk of Court how to proceed. You can ask for driving privileges restored for school and work and possibly seeking work. It’ll be very specific and limiting, but you will be enabled in that regard to do whatever you need to do.
Driving uninsured: this is a tough one because it will cost you. If you live in a state with an uninsured motorist’s fee, that may be the cheapest way to go. But preferable, and do so at first opportunity, is buy the lowest amount of legal coverage in your state. Just the liability, forget about the comprehensive and collision.
No job. This one is really tough, because it’s an employer’s market; there are SO many people looking for work. I suggest you hit a few employment agencies and craigslist, but also (especially) your probation officer and your local Social Services, because when you have a record, you need these people advising and batting for you. You may find some types of employer’s won’t hire you because of the cost of bonding you. You can rule out driving jobs and retail jobs for now, unfortunately. You might be able to make some money on eBay if you have a niche interest and a bit of start up $$. Don’t try regular self-employment now, there are too many legal obligations and paperwork etc, and that is not your strong suit.
I can’t speak too much about the relationship issues other than to say that no one wants a partner that is pulling them down. You need to have your own life sorted out before you can share it well. HOWEVER. It is NOT true that his getting busted was your fault. It is HIS car that had the missing headlight.
So, finally. Leave the "outlaw" image behind. It’s not cute anymore, and it becomes something you find yourself living up (down) to. Keeping the law is not impossible. Getting caught, especially at your age, is NOT unlikely. Lots of the business of living within all the laws is not particularly convenient for any of us, and being too hip for all that crap is an illusion that keeps costing you more and more of your life, liberty, wallet and happiness.
Love,
another mom
thanks ..
i learned a bit here actually
if i ever want something i’m gonna say to my mom "would you rather me steal and get caught so i get bad records and not be able to get a job in the future?" so she’ll buy me w/e i want ..
haha i kid
but really i don’t think much of horoscopes, you could say i don’t believe in them ever since i got born a gemini without her twin. not that i want a twin though.
btw whats "paraphenelia"? is that some sort of drug?
I’ve read your whole story.
It sounds as though you have had a lot going on in your life, and have continued to make some poor choices.
I don’t think there are very many truly bad people out there, but many people do make bad choices and it certainly sounds like you’d be in that basket.
First of all, if your license is suspended you just shouldn’t drive. It’s just not worth it. It’s better to live with the inconvenience than lose your license for even longer. Do you have access to a bike? Even if you don’t have a job, surely you can get some government payment, and get a bike from freecycle or similar. Is there public transport in your area? I don’t have a car, but I do just fine using my legs and public transport. It’s not always as convenient, but it’s possible.
It sounds like you need a little bit of help in planning for your future. A lot of your concerns seem to be more about the short-term rather than the long term. Perhaps it’s time for you to stand back and look at the bigger picture and what it takes to get there.
For starters, in the long term, it seems pretty obvious that you want to be able to work, study, and have a harmonious relationship with you boyfriend. So. For each of those goals, you need to sit down and think about ways to get there. Here are a few of my ideas:
1. Getting work. So you have a record. That doesn’t stop everyone from getting work. What would help is if you got some good job references and showed that you have changed and learned your lesson. My very strong suggestion would be for you to talk to employers and ask for work experience or volunteering. You can be upfront and honest about things – say that you haven’t worked in a while and want some job references, and if they’re sounding keen, mention that you committed some crimes a while ago and would be happy to take a police check and discuss what you’ve down and how you’ve learned. There are some employers and organizations who take on volunteers who will give people a chance. Trust me on this! I could point you in a few if you lived nearby
2. Study. You’re going to college, and want to continue. Do you have any way of getting there without your car? Be creative! If you don’t, perhaps you could look at ways that you can minimize the amount of time you need to be at classes. Are there any remote study options? Perhaps you could talk to your lecturers to see if any of them can be flexible. You may just luck out!
3. Relationship with your boyfriend. You really need to have a good think about your choices. Stop making those stupid, idiotic, immature choices – even if in some cases you don’t feel like you have a choice (like the driving), you DO. I would never drive without a license or in an unregistered vehicle unless someones’ life was at stake or there was a medical emergency and I had to take someone to hospital. It sounds like a lot of the conflict stems from the choices you’ve been making. I hope that changing your way of life will help with the relationship
I think it’s wonderful that you’re reaching out for help on here. That’s a really great step towards learning new ways of coping.
I think it would be a really good idea for you to see a counsellor. If you’re Australian and on Centrelink benefits, it could be worth getting an assessment about your mental health. If your mental health issues are impacting on your ability to work (if mental health issues may have caused your criminal behaviour and are impacting on the way you interact with the world still), you may be elegible for extra assistance. If you’re in other countries, I don’t know, but many countries do have extra assistance for people looking for work.
I’m happy to answer any questions you might ask about interview tips and how to approach potential employers
Her is strictly my Opinion because I can not give advise to this matter because I never faced anything similuar as your life has gone too this point.
As far as the Job and Insurance and your past record… You are correct.. Your ability to not think things out before you make a choice does question even me. And yes! Your boyfreind is probably pretty pist-off! So, give him his space because My guess is that he is questioning all the reasons to either be with you or too stay with you or in what way he can try to save your situation from getting more worse! And believe me it can get even more worse after you face a judge and he hands down more stricter punishment and by law yes he can do that!
Give your BF space! And Don’t Drive for awhile figure something out in some way too get from point-A ttooo POint -B……. Good Luck!